Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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