I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
