I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
They have beer where we have blood.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
