They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My cat gives me a boner
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
