As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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