i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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