I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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