I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
