The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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