I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
