1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
