if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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