Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
