You can't special order awesome
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
