I'm drive I can fine osifer
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
