I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We left the knife in your bed.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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