I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
