he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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