all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
