PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
