He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
