I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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