We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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