i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
