Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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