fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
