the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
