Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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