My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
