i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
