I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
