wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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