I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
