I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
