Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
