Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
