I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
