How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
