I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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