i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
