i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
false alarm. still invincible.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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