and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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