Soap is not a condiment
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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