UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
