Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
