good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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