she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
