I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
