I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
