Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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